"...much"

Want is a virtue. A hard virtue.

Which if survived will teach you much.

"Food"

My former beloved train set.

I was forced to sell it at a steep loss for food.

This is America right now as you read this.

Now this moment.

*

My life has gone rather bad.

So you may not want to be here for some time.

You'll just see more of this.

Try again towards Spring or Summer.

Things might get better.

...forever"

They all die. All of them.

Every family of friends or relatives leaves you.

They fade they die or worse betray you.

You're own your own.

Forever.

"...Spam"

The U.N. reports that 5 million Americans live in absolute poverty. That's the official term for 3rd world levels suffering.. "Absolute Poverty". 48 millions live in hardship or functional poverty. ...that's where I live.
This country is returning to poverty levels it had in the early 20th century when this was still a developing nation.

Seems we've gone from there to the world's largest middle class, and back down to pre-FDR levels of want in less than 100 years,...and the U.N. sez it's getting worse.

I live on the edge of poverty. I'm not in the "absolute poor",...yet. Though I go through periods of hunger. I still have tidy rooms heat water power a high speed connection thanks to Social Security family, and basic health care from Medicaid. I'm deprived yet luckier than some.

I've read 48 millions of Americans live exactly like me.

One step lower I join my sisters, and brothers in Chad Bangladesh or Somalia. That step can happen at any time.  However one manages. I've learned how to make the below last as long as three days.

...longer it spoils even in the fridge.

"Cruel"

I live in a world run by Bullies Rapists, and Murderers.

I saw police, and sanitation

clearing a small Homeless encampment.

They took, and threw away all they had then forced them off.

It was very cold it was very cruel.

"In the Presence of Mine Enemies"

Having a Queer family on the block is not a 21st century custom. It's actually been going on all along. On my block when I was a kiddie there was a Queer couple that lived a few doors down. Everyone knew them. They were just folks.
Mind you it wasn't an open howdy sort of thing. However no one bothered them. Neither were the kids on the block warned away from them. They were just there. Like the rest of the characters that make up any 1950's city 'hood.

I recall they fit the bill as to what regular folks thought Queers were. One butch one fem. In fact the fem guy...I forget their names. Anyway he had tits,...not biggies, but they made the point. ...so to speak.

Hormones I guess.

In them days some Queers were still into the 19th century "Third Sex" thing. That or buying into that whole male female template. Some still are. Hey fine with me. Do what you want or feel good with. The thing is the attitude of the adults around me towards them.

No hostility.

At least not in the way you'd think It was more like amusement. Akin to having circus actors in the 'hood.  In the culture context of those times these folks were exotic to them.

Me I didn't think anything of it.

It was just more stuff from the world like all the other weird shit that was going on. I think one had to be in Nebraska for this to be a serious problem. That or Staten Island. Still to this day a reserve for white xenophobia.

When David Dinkins our first black mayor was elected a majority of Staten Island attempted to secede from the City. They have not changed since.

As for me being a Queer little kid. It helped that both of my parents had been in show business for a time. So they were used to all sorts of gleeful perverts Dykes Queers, and whatever's always around.

Especially my dad. Playing jazz piano, and all. 

Also the annual Harlem "Faggots Ball".

This was a big deal. Everyone went. It was When Drag folks from all over the East came together to flaunt their stuff. Even the cops let it alone. It being protected by the mob. Eh the bars, and all that stuff.

So there was a round about acceptance within limits of Fag-World. So having a few on the block wasn't a big deal. Though I'm sure my Queer neighbors got hell everyday in every way. Still nobody was busting their windows where I was.

Like Quentin Crisp said, "You'll know you're free when no one cares." "When you become boring you're free."

Well for a time in some places this was true.

Now it's in fewer places. As happened in pre-WW2 Germany. A short era of freedom followed by extinction.

In our current times even missionary positon conservative straight-gays must remember that they're in the presence of their enemies.

Those enemies want them all dead.

Watch ya backs comrades.

Watch ya sisters, and brothers backs as well.

"Monday"

Oh my,...it's Wednesday. I had thought it was Monday. This being unstuck in time is becoming consistent. If it weren't so much trouble I'd go to the clinic about it. However there's always the danger of the institutional tripwire of protocol.

I could end up in the Nut Haus again. 

Not that I minded that much. It was much like my digs. One can sleep watch TV draw, ...with crayons, or read. Mostly religious tracts or week old newspapers.

Most of the other inmates are too drugged to bother one. Still no thanks. Though I like the slippers they give you. I still have a pair from the last time I said the wrong thing.

Very comfy. Still I imagine being adrift in temporal realms might get me attentions I don't need.

So I just told you.

We're comrades so I figured you'd understand. Really though I could swear it's Monday,...certainly feels like one.