"NSA"

I have a life story here. I mean what the fuck nobody, but old friends are here so I'll tell ya. As ya knows I been coughing my guts up barfing, and walking into the walls for over a week with this cold thing. Well I wakes up from one of my assorted bouts of near-sleep, and crawls to the kitchen.

I fall over alot so I figured I'd save time by going direct to the floor from bed.

I opens my little fridge,...I shut the big one off because that bastard sucked down power like a reactor on Crack. Anyway I opens the little guy, and a squeeze thing of mustard a bottle of Selzer, and a bag of meat balls flies out.

That's all I has in there being a Senior Citizen.

I asked about the prefabricated artificial food product meat ball thing at the check out. I mean I was a little suspicious. Ya know they looked weird came from some former Soviet republic, and had a picture of a unknown species on the package. ...which was laying dead by the side of a road.

I asked the kid if this shit would kill me,...she said "I dunno. You can bring it back if you die.". Everybody's a comedian.

Well as I attempts to stand up I drops the bottle of lemon lime Selzer to the floor. It pops open, and half the damn thing sprays all over the place.

I mean we all been there,...Fuck.

Being a good house frau I immediately thinks about mopping this crap up. However. Thinks I, "...this bleep is just water",...in a way.

I figure it's summer it'll dry on it's own,...less work for mother. Then again it's American food so it's probably full of oven cleaner bug parts plutonium, and bits of human remains.

This could attract squirrels.

Which btw I now have. The little bastards are always on my fire-escape looking in on me. Why who knows. Maybe the NSA has optioned them. Hey I used to be a dangerous commie artist, and might still be up to shit.

So begins my day.

I cleans up whatever that Selzer stuff really is, and all's right with the world. However them squirrels. More on them later.