"Sissy Meditation III"

Being Queer a Sissy is to have a particular sensitivity to the world. I say "Sissy" because not all homosexuals are Queer. Some fuck like them, but are not remotely them.

I was a Sissy when a young boy. I was called "Sensitive" by my Mother, and Aunts. Other things by boys at school. When I was seven I knew I had a different seeing. A Sissy's seeing.

There was a day in fall. The Sky. The Colors, and swift Clouds of October. I sat in my backyard for hours I think. 

Just watching.

I was uplifted taken away by the wonder of it. This in essence is Queerhood Sissydom. Sissyhood is the ability to be lost. So lost in beauty, and gentleness that you forget who you are where you are when you are.

This done without effort. For Queers it just happens.

In most boys, and men it's beaten out of them. It's gone.

However with us it's different. It's who we are. Threaten us beat us all you want we don't lose it won't change 'can't' change.

The Sky will always be beautiful to us, and we will always say so. We will always be taken up, and lost in it.

I wonder how many Queer Sissies have been martyred for loving the Sky for loving Color Sweetness, and Gentleness.

(I wrote the below as a dovetail this the meditation.)

"Falling Into the Sky"

What would it be like if you fell into the Sky.

You're going to this place, and that 

while above us Eternity.

Forever, and Forever ,...Tomorrow, and Tomorrow.

Above the Trees above the Towers beyond the Clouds.

I think of falling into Eternity falling into Forever.

One foot in front of the other. One step then another,...

Then,...Falling.

Falling into Heaven.