I was just reading entries from my very first blog. How much, and how little I've changed in 16 years. I was younger healthier but mostly much the same otherwise. Cranky depressed pissed off humorous wondering.

I was and am so full of fucking shit...but I mean well. That, and I somehow keep surviving. I think of how everyone sez they want to live forever. This without thinking that through.

One day it will be 50,000 years from now on a crappy Tuesday, and they'll still be here staring blankly trying to get laid. I have an actual hostility to or at least in patients with fear, and death.

Not sure why I never feared my own death, but it's consistent. I've been brutally assaulted in my youth by bullies, and cops had very serious injuries illnesses, and tried to off myself several times. Sure I was freaked out, but no fear. That was the last thing on my mind. I might have been a good cop or soldier,...maybe not. I can't hurt anyone.

I gots no wise stuff to end this. I'm just some fed up weird old guy sitting alone in da middle of the night thinking things over. The weather for example. It was fucking 90's for days. Now it's a cold wet night in May. This towards the end of a plague that's so far killed we now hear 900,000 people in this Republic. That, and it caused a Second Great Depression in fact if not name.

This ain't the 21st Century I was shown at that Worlds Fair.

We're a nation divided in half between those that believe in demented conspiracies, and Neo-Nazi politics, and those that just want to get da fuck home alive. Common place violent acts against Blacks Jews Asians Queers, and all the other usual suspects...toss in the mass shootings for laffs.

Did I mention there are now new versions of the plague loose in the world? They say the Vaccines will stop them too,...mostly. ...Life goes on. You watch ya back, and get home safe. Loves ya.