"Why with the Toys?"

     
Fox News: "So...Uncle Sydney, what's with all the toys?"

Uncle: "Cause I Loves 'em ."

Fox News:"...So then you 'do' believe in Santa."

Uncle: "What?"

Fox News: "...and Faeries, and Angels, and the Free Lunch."

Uncle: "...Yes but..."

Fox News: "So how long have you been a Communist Homosexual?"

Uncle: "Hey I was asked here about my book, "The Sandman, and Me."

Fox News: "...And you spent decades pushing your agenda on the air."

Fox News: "Would you care to explain your relationship with "Tink?"

Uncle: "...you mean Tinkerbell?"


Fox News" "The possibly underage faerie of your...eh acquaintance."

Uncle: "You nuts she's 648 years old!"

Fox News: "...and Daffy Duck. A known anarchist, and drug addict."

( Here the interview was momentarily interrupted by a Performance artist that set his shoes on fire, and sang the "Oscar Myer Weiner" hot dog song. After signing autographs we was arrested, and shot by security.)

Uncle: "About my book..."

Fox News: "We have found an essay by you, "Satan is my Co-Pilot."

Fox News: "Also a fresco you did depicting Hitler Stalin Walt Disney, and Nixon in Hell involved together in physically impossible erotic acts."

Uncle: "Now I can explain that,...see I got a call from Yoko Ono, and..."

Fox News: ."..what of this Nun's habit I show here found in your eh,...closet?"

Uncle: "Now about that. See I was holding it for a friend..."

Fox news: "Here as the folks at home can see is footage you selling what you claimed were 'logs' from the One True Cross...Uncle?"

Uncle: "Eh..."

Fox News: "Is this newer footage is this 'you' printing bootleg copies of "Fantastic Four" #1 in the basement of the green party headquarters?"

Uncle: "...well..."

Fox News: "Is it true you put 'Vinegar' on your fries,...Like--the--French."

Uncle: "....um...eh."

Fox News: "Uncle...?"

Fox News: I have here photographs of you as a 12 year old boy holding what appears to be a high powered rifle standing near an underpass in Dallas on a certain day in late November 1963. Do you care to comment.

Uncle: "....I need to call my Agent."     


*Addendum....  

About that Fox News ambush interview I got suckered into. I can explain. Way back in 1974 I gets this call from Abbie Hoffman when he was on the lamb. Well he tells me about that fucking giant UFO them feds is sitting out in Montana gives me coordinates the works when I hears shots on the line which then goes dead.

Fuck!

Still I has to get this shit to the frigging Dali Lama in bleeping India...I ain't been west of Chicago at the time. While I'm standing there with a dead phone in my hand, and a possible dead Abbie at the other end.

A large pouch tied to a brick come fly'n through my window. Aw Com'on! I thinks. Anyway I Opens it, and there's a note from Holden Caulfield who everybody, and their drunk uncle thinks is fictional,...but ain't.

There's also tickets to Geneva with a re-route to Somalia then another direct to New Deli. That plus a load 'a passports, and a big bunch of money...cash. Holden sez to contact some Midwestern crooked politico named Clinton in Geneva. Btw there's a gun in that bag too. The note sez to shoot the "fixer" once business is done...bleep!

I ain't shoot'n shit.

I took the dough shit canned them hot passports which probably would've got me stuck up against the first handy wall, and split the hell out'a there. Every phone booth I ran pass was ringing...they had me spotted covered sighted, and bleeped up the tail light with no grease in sight!

Fuck, and I thought I was gonna get laid,...another story.

*To be continued.

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