"Hells-a Poppin!"

That's right little Johnny the Devil works in mysterious ways. For example he just recently tempted me to take my stupid radio act on stage. This so he can charm me out of my Eternal Soul!

...and all the loose change in my pocket.

Oh the footlights the smell of vomit cheap beer, and fist fights in the cheap seats. Yes all this awaits your heroic,...and occasional funny Uncle Happy. This in the fringes of the swell world of stand up hilarity!

On the other hand bleep all that noise. If I wanted people to hate me , and throw stuff I'd visit my family. On the other other hand I like being on stage making a total ass of myself.

Can hardly wait to do it again.

Hey don't get me wrong I know what that world is about. I have some pals neck deep in that gleeful nightmare. Talk about blood on the boards.

So why don't they stop?   "...What, and leave show business?!"

You see where I'm going. Yeah I may do a few scary dates. Some pals in the biz say "...yeah give it a shot" the worse that could happen is some pissed off maniac in the third row will shoot you.

Okay sounds like good odds.

Hey I has total respect for folks trying to make a living this. My gad how the hell do they do it. It's Satan's backed up shitter out there yet they keep going night after night till they make it or die!

I ain't them. Not close.

I'm just some old radio guy that tells stories. Still I really wanna go, and get my balls handed to me.  I'll let you know how this delusion pans out. 

However for the first day of my retired life I'm going to sleep...a lot. Then go to Coney Island later in the week to watch sharks eat people. I hears there's schools of these gleeful wood-chippers all over the place this summer.

Then I'll check out how repairs are going on the Jackie Robinson statue. As ya know some Nazi fuck head defaced it. Aw man don't get me started with that! 

"GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You don't fuck with Jackie you 'just' DON'T!

Anyway I'll drag the sorry noise that I had safely done in a dark locked room onto a stage with conscious  people watching. One or two dates then I'll quit while ahead, and retire from that too.

I need a damned drink.