"Imperial"

My Presidential Limo for trips to the "Jesusland" parts of the Republic. ...this if I run in 2020.When I'm of course elected I'll do away with all this Democracy mayhem, and declare myself Emperor.

"Emperor Uncle Happy".

My plan is "Bernie" on Steroids or if you will Crack, and Whiskey. Everybody will at once have their unjust debts absolved. Any businesses or Corporate entities that drags their feet will be Nationalized their CEO's beheaded on the "Today Show".

Okay no Death Penalty.

We'll just put them in a stall on Coney Island to have folks throw pies at them. Five cents a throw so everyone can have a shot. Free shots for Vets Seniors, and Students.

National Heath for sure, then rebuilding the infrastructure. The "Pursuit of Happiness all that humane jazz will be forthwith declared. That, and a bunch of other stuff. All paid for with the insanely vast wealth now bottled up with all the usual crime, and evil currently running things.

Also no more gigantic aircraft carriers at a 100 billion bucks a pop that can be sunk by a salvo of anti-ship missiles which cost 50k each tops...it's just reasonable economics.

The age of great surface navies is over.

Has been for decades, but the corruption of the Navy Department with the large ship builders put the Ka-Bosh on this reality. If gawd forbid we have a for real war...that is one with people that can shoot back. We'd lose the whole damned navy in ten minutes!

I'm thinking of throwing that Admiral bunch to the Sharks.

The Submarine is now the Queen of the Seas. Btw I'm naming my old friend Tom Wisker of radio fame as Head of the Joint Chiefs.

He'll know what to do.

I'll take care of the rest...I mean what with being the beloved "Uncle", and all. Oh yeah everybody gets an eight weeks paid, and insured vacation at government expense as well as free education K-through Post Grad. Once shit is cooking along pretty good I'll retire to tending my electric train sets, and doll collection.

As for the gleeful details.

I think I'll wear some sort of fez maybe a turban or Perhaps Mickey Mouse ears...this to remind me to be humble, and all that Saint Francis jazz. Maybe some pointed shoes...ya know the kind that curl up at the tips. Otherwise I'll mostly wear a simple Civil War officer's Cavalry jacket with jeans, and them pointy shoes. ...and a Yankees cap.

Jodhpurs. Them things too! Right them weird baggy above the knees pants rich people, and Brown Shirts wear. ...yeah that too. This'll send a message not to fuck with me too much. That, and a cape ,...this below should do nicely.

I'm asking Michelle Obama to be head of the new Department of the Pursuit of Happiness. Bernie Sanders head of Infrastructure Renewal. Tom Hanks FCC boss, and  my sister Sylvia head of the new Department of Extended Education...everybody gets at least a Masters in this country! 

Neil de Grasse Tyson head of NASA in the new Department of Planetary Explorations.

I'm looking for heads of the new Department of Cuisine Arts, Dept. of Interesting Parks, and Beaches, A general Department of Help, and Guidance. A National Institute of Encouraging Genius. Also I'll tell the masses who did the Kennedy hits, and what all that UFO stuff is really all about. More neat stuff as it occurs to me during my Glorious Reign.

Bottom line...nobody is every hungry uneducated homeless bored lost fucked over despairing sick oppressed or forced to be in the damned Army because there ain't nothing else...no more stupid wars of choice either.

Somebody fucks us we send a 1000 B-52's to carpet bomb their damned country with seeds medical stuff books laptops food water detoxifiers a copy of our constitution, boxed sets of "Star Trek" "Doctor Who"  "Sherlock" "Robot Chicken", and the "Twilight Zone" in their speech, and assorted dialects.

All that, and other neat shit till they calm down, and play nice. The more shit they give us the more presents we drop on them. Hey we're in no rush we gots lots of weird shit hanging around here to dump on them....The bacon or sausage bombs for example.

More as my advisors conference with me.