"...quiet"

Eleven Jews were shot to death while at prayer today.

This happened in the United States of America.

"...things"

Sometimes I watch myself in the third person. It's like a halfway out of body thing,..in a way. You know how it is. I'm sure most of you have done it.
Anyway I watch as I revert to a child's simple fascination.
This with colorful little things.

I'm beginning to think that all of our high 'n mighty concepts, and postures are really the bullshit we quietly suspected it is. That's what's really important are the smallest, and simplest things in our lives.
Hence my love of the quiet, and tiny.

"My Mom"

My Mom came to me in dreams all the time for years after she left. I was so sad that I wanted to leave this Earth too. However she "fixed" that.

I had a vivid "Dream?".
I was in a vast Mall. I was going down a very long escalator. At the bottom floor was a 1950's style diner. I went in. At one corner was my Uncle Bill sitting at a booth...his eyes were closed.
At another red vinyl booth was my Mom her eyes also closed.

I sat opposite her, and said, "...Mom it's me it's Sidney..."

She said nothing, but suddenly reached across the Formica table, and grabbed both my hands...very tightly.
She began to pull me towards her...
She opened her eyes, and there was Sun Light!

The brightness of the Sun shown from her eyes at me.

She pulled me towards her all the harder.
With effort I yanked away!
The dream ends.

Or rather it morphed into other things as they do.

My Mom saw how much trouble I was in, and came to me to offer a choice. She was saying, along with Uncle Bill without words, "It's alright child if you want to come over I'm here to take you...choose."

I chose.

I am certain that if I had not let go I would have passed on that night many years ago, and left with my Mother, and Uncle.

Remember,...always choose wisely.

"Speaking of Jesus Baking Cakes"

I was out today, and overheard a portion of a conversation. It was a third hand story as the lady was on the phone telling it to a friend. Seems she was just at a store, and a customer was cracking, making fun of gay guy on line,...this is the Emerald City. We stand 'on' line not in one.

Well the owner of this shop laid into this guy,...the bigot. Told him off good. The last person you want pissed at you is a Black woman,...especially one from Jamaica. Which as I listened to the story she was.
The lady on the phone gave it theatrics as she related the tale. Btw this is why I love this town. Every street is a show.

Said she, "...he didn't pick out being gay in a store he was born that way, and it's how g-d wants him!" It went on, but you gets the drift. Stories everywhere.
Also just when I was freaked out at all the ugly everywhere in this world, and the country. I happen on this. I just "happen" to be next to this lady on a phone relating 'this' story. ...which I needed to hear. This was a coincidence of course...there are no Angels we're not all connected by a vast dark matter quantum spiritual internet,...naw no way. Believe that, and I got this bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you cheap.

"Life Death, and the Weather"

There was another shooting, and murder on my block. Makes four, and a half this year. One survived. This is happening all over the City as it used to do during the Crack Wars of the 1990's.

As before I was an "ear-witness" to the extinction of a soul.
I was as before interviewed by cops. "...yes I heard the shots no I saw nothing yes I heard voices that's all. Yes I'll be here if you need more."

Memorials.

As is now traditional in cities when a person is gunned down. A memorial of votive candles goes up. These are maintained by family or friends for about two weeks to a month. Though the one from the April killing is still kept up by the murdered boy's Mom.
As in any war everyone gets used to seeing the unthinkable. We go about our business walking past these small shrines as if this is as it should be. People get shot candles go up. Soon they fade get knocked over, and are swept away.

Till next time.

Meanwhile the Earth turns, and the Sun, and Moon chase each other through the Seasons.
Fall is about to break. This Saturday I think. Though it doesn't look it. The New Climate prolonged warmth has held the colors back.
A Summer six months long if we date it from the first very unusually warm days in mid-April. Longer if you date it from February when it got above 80f here in the Emerald City.

We need to change our concept of seasons. This because cold warmth, and extreme heat can now appear at any time of the year. We also may need to change our concept of what our basic humanity means.

One wearies of sudden pointless death candles, and mourning.
'Did a pic of a Fiery Sunrise over NYC Harbor years ago.
That sky made me think it was a Viking Funeral.

This for all the innocent slain this town insists on racking up.

*( This from several weeks back September 2018.)

"War"

Trinity Church 9/11 Night 2012

This eleven years after the attack.

The radio station I worked for is four blocks from Ground Zero.

I literally saw, and heard the beginning of this 20 years long War.

I hope to be here for it's end

"My Secret Life"

21st Century American Poverty,...Elder Division.

Since retirement I have lived five years in poverty. American poverty not world standard poverty. If it were that I would be long dead.
However here's what I learned from American poverty.

One uses a pen till it's out of ink. The more inventive have figured out how to refill ball point or felt-tipped pens.

You wash your things in the bath tub not the laundry. Except for large things like quilts. For these one saves like for haircuts. Sometimes for weeks even a month or two.
The little civilized things you did, and took for granted are gone.

You must internalize that to survive. 

For example light. 
Use electricity only when you must. ...and only for a few minutes.

You now use candles. I suggest the religious votive kind. Not for spiritual reasons. 

Use them because they are large thick glass encased, and long lasting.

Yes this is rationing. 

Everything in your life now has to be rationed. Disposable income , and what it gave is now gone for the rest of your life.

Public transit even with the Elder Card is expensive,...remember you don't even have pocket change most of the time. ...Walk.

As for your food this is also for the rest of your life rationed. In my case I began only eating solids every other day. I experimented with three meal-less days but became very ill,...don't do that. 
Also the government supplements which are very grudgingly given, and meant to last a month,...don't. 

Yes you will sometimes eat at church pantry, and yes Soup kitchens. That is if you want to stay alive. Your dignity is an early casualty of poverty if it's new to you. 
Though I find it interesting how well one survives without it. 

Speaking of dignity. I remember asking a relation for help with food. I was in fact begging. Hunger does this. Also I have Diabetes. This bloats, and shrinks you. I made the mis-judgement of begging while in a bloated phase.

I was told, "...but you're fat you don't need anything."

I didn't explain the Diabetic cycles. The humiliation of asking was bitter enough. Though I admit this is all a really annoying off putting trail of tears for those not on it. ...or beyond imagining it.

I remember being human. Being a person. Having all my needs secure. I remember just going about my business paying my own way. So yeah I get it. ...sorry to ask.
Imagine being still around after a big War. When all you have is all you will ever have. 

"All you will ever have"

Sewing. You will learn to sew, and get good at it. You will very rarely have new things. So you will repair what you have well. 
The problem is as I found. Most modern made apparel only lasts one at most two seasons. 
So years of hand washing, and sewing will wear them out.
The material becomes thinner than the thread you're repairing them with.  

I've made shirts meant to last six months last three to five years. However that's as far as they can go. Except for jeans these last decades. Though even they need constant attention.

There are other things. Things that gave me comfort that are gone for the rest of my life. I used to love browsing, and buying books. One new book is three meals. That's the new math of your existence.

I can hear the republicans out there.

"GET A JOB YOU LAZY SHIT!"

I'd love one. 
Not only for the money, but to be a person among people again. Some elders have found some employment. I've tried for years. I even have another lead at the moment. 

However these peter out or if they pay off last days at most. The longest was as a folder in a laundry. I lived almost like a person for four months. What I saved kept me civilized for a long time.

About dignity. 
I was a broadcast engineer even head of my department. I had position responsibility respect a life.
Then I retired. I was lucky, and became a worker in an old laundry.
I was a folder in a shabby laundry elbow to elbow with people that never had real jobs no real career were born into poverty are still in it, and will stay in it.

Compared to them I'm ashamed to this post.
Unlike them I had a middleclass life for most of my life. However our kind of society being what it is. It's so very easy to lose that very quickly.

The elder part doesn't help.

Here I whine,...earned the right by now despite the life I had. One so much more complete than my former laundry co-workers. I earned a bit of whining. However they still get the Gold.

When you become old you are going to be poor. Especially now. In 40 years it might be better, but I doubt it. 
When you are old, and poor you are a nuisance an embarrassment to everyone. So you learn to stay to yourself.

When things become desperate you must weigh the humiliation of asking for help from other or the government. I no longer ask. I just did, and never will again. I was very grateful, but...

I actually want my dignity.


More as I live, and watch.

"Heaven on Earth"

G-d is not far away in some golden heaven, ruling some distant Paradise. G-d is here with us. Always has been. Always will be. Because G-d's Heaven is on Earth.

"Heaven on Earth"
G-d's on the subway, She's coming home from work. It's crowded she couldn't get a seat again. She has a headache, and her feet hurt. G-d makes another mental note to do something about urban congestion, and stress.

She's been noticing this problem since Babylon? Anyway it was that time she was a snake charmer. Oh,...the carnivals. These are just about the best things humanity has come up with. It's their "saving grace",...literally.

The train pulls into G-d's station. She has to struggle her way out of the crowded car. Manners, and polite consideration still haven't caught on. At least not consistently. Still, they are learning. They are trying.

On her way home G-d does some deli shopping. She picks up a pint of vanilla ice cream,...with almonds. Some oranges, a box of mint tea. You know, the brand with all the nice pictures on 'em. Some bread sticks, and dried figs. All the major food groups.

At the counter G-d pays in Aztec jade, Roman silver, and Confederate bank notes. The Jamaican woman that runs the deli is used to her 'special' customer paying in odd currencies. The dreadlocked woman gives G-d her change in Barbados dollars, American dimes, and Australian pennies.

The two are friends, the clerk, and G-d.
So they stand awhile exchanging gossip which is cut short by other customers. G-d adds a lotto ticket, and some chap stick to her purchase's, and leaves.

Outside the deli G-d sees a homeless man begging.
G-d knows him. G-d remembered when he was conceived. She was there when he was born, and She's been with him ever since. Though he doesn't remember 'once upon a time' his name was Bartholomew, and he is an Angel.

One day he'll remember that, but for now G-d smiled at him, and put a silver shekel once earned by a certain Judean carpenter into his cup.

G-d blinked, and there was Light. G-d sang, and there was Life. G-d smiled, and there was Love.

"Listening"
The "Lord of Hosts" got to her building, and quickly walked up the stairwell. Passing through the cooking aroma's of half a dozen ethnic groups. The "Divine" enjoyed not only that, but the symphony of all their languages.

She lived on the top floor of a six story walk up. She liked living up there because it was convenient to the roof.

The G-d of Abraham, the Lord of Gandhi, the Mother Creator of all that was is or will be was on the roof.
She was sitting in a lawn chair,...listening.
G-d was looking out over the city, and listening to prayers.

The "Lord Creator" listened to prayers the way people listen to the radio. The music of souls was in the air. The sky was bathed in prayer. They danced over the city. Visible to Her as bright aurora's. G-d watched, and listened.

She listened to each, and every one.

"Revelation"
The "Lord of Creation" was on a bus, She was headed to a dentists appointment. Some of Her fillings were loose. G-d was seated on one of those hard plastic bench's toward the back, and looking out the window.

The ebb, and flow of the traffic reminded Her of the start, and sudden stop of schools of fish. The "Lord" couldn't help, but beam,...She smiled despite the pain. For She loved Her children so.

G-d looked about. She saw that almost all the tribes of humanity were sitting with Her. Babylon, Constantinople, and now New York. How they gathered the family together. She enjoyed her time in all of them.

An elder woman was staring. Staring at Her. The woman looked from behind crinkled lids with eyes that said,

"...I see You".

G-d Almighty was outed on an unremarkable day on a bouncing crosstown bus. This didn't happen often, being seen recognized.
It's usually children or the dying.
Them with the sight are either entering or leaving.

Her name was Violet. This woman who could see the Light which breathed Dreams, and Fire into the Void.

G-d, and Violet just sat, and beheld each other. This as New York blared around them. At last Violet spoke asked G-d, asked in a calm voice, ...

"Are you Happy?"

"Almighty G-d" She who laid the foundations of Eternities,...said "Maybe".

The bus eventually pulled up to Union Square the Violet's stop. She got up to leave, but turned at the last moment, and asked G-d,.. "Why did you make us?" The "Maker of All Things said ,..."So you would be might happy too."
The woman nodded, and went on her way.

That night her mouth still numb from the Novocain. G-d thought about Violets last question. "Are you happy?" How wise Her children were. Happiness was the whole point of creation.

Happiness, joy, fulfilment, the Lord smiled. "Oprah is closer to the Truth than she knows", but still, is the Creator happy?
She looked from her window, and saw that the night sky danced again with bright streamers of prayer.
She will listen.
G-d will listen again to the Dreams, and Nightmares of Her children.
She who with a thought birthed stars listened to the prayers of the world.
Though tonight She will pray too.
Tonight God will Pray with Her Children.

"HEAVEN ON EARTH"

Epilogue,
G-d is not far away in some golden heaven, ruling some distant Paradise. G-d is here with us. Always has been. Always will be. Because G-d's Heaven is on Earth.

The blue world continued to sail around it's golden sun. Life went on with all it's joys, sorrows, and mysteries. The years gathered into centuries. The centuries into millennia, and the millennia into ages. Ages that melted mountains, lowered, and raised seas, and rearranged the stars.

In this time all life was in the sea, as it was in the beginning. Humanity had long since transcended to their bright realities. How that pleased G-d. She was still with them in their new realms.
Though She'd followed her children as they scattered themselves amongst the stars. She still remembered, and abided on the earth. Now She dwelled in the seas with her newer children. This as the land rested, and healed from it's long work.

G-d, the maker of Worlds, the founder of Dreams swam in clouds of plankton. She maneuvered amongst schools of fish, burrowed with worms, swayed with sea weed, and contemplated with Whales. Whales.., and the others of their kind were the next of Her children who would find their way to the stars.

She would learn with them, wonder with them, pray with them till at last they too found their bright place in eternity. She would do this for them as She had for all of Her children on all of the Earths.

With Patience She would Watch.

With Patience She would Guide.

With Patience She would Love.

"Vote"

"Vote Barbie 2020"

She's Kind Calm, and Smart

*

"Words"

I've read that Alt-Right speaker Richard Spencer was drowned out by hecklers. This at his attempted speech at the University of Florida. I would have liked to have heard him uninterrupted. I think we need to know why they believe what they do. What led them there, and why they stay.

Of course the heckling was expected. 

Nazis, and extreme rightists aren't that socially acceptable,...yet. However everyone must have their say. The Free Speech Movement was just that. A movement for open speech, and not just for those we agreed with. If I were there I'd have heard him or those like him out. ...yeah even Nazis. I want to hear their vision from their own mouths. 

Even better if there's a debate of the merits.

The current custom of shutting down those we profoundly disagree with is ultimately counter productive. Let them speak, and very likely by their own words condemn themselves.

I'm generally progressive, but hold personal views on theology sexuality, and art that might be unpopular. ...more than "might". 

There's more than a few of us in that situation. If I held a talk as I sometimes think of doing I could be shut down too.

"A Dream"

A desert. There's war. We're racing away from defeat. 

Our engines over-heating. 

Red dust. 

The wreckage of earlier column's. Storms rise.

Rocky plains. Is this Mars? Is this a far future Fourth Planet War?

Static of the coms. Voices indistinct. 

A village carved out of the side of a mountain. 

The column pulls up. I dismount, and walk.

A path that leads to open air galleries. There are people living in peace here. 

Outside the war I'm running from or to.

There are children ahead herding sheep. A running stream. They pass through.

I follow.

Women dressed in sky blue Abayas. Designs as bright as brass on their hands faces. As if they were born with them,...Mars?

One looks at me with questions.

I hear the roar of the tanks. The War has found us.

It begins to snow.

This dream melts away.

Morphs into other places other people.

"Uncle Sid in Hell",...sort of

So I woke up at what I thought was Social Services. White halls with the smell of antiseptics. Long rows of hard plastic seats, and them flat screens with lately Fox News on them.
#45 was pissed when he heard government waiting rooms showed CNN or Cartoons.

So now we watch Fox.  
It's almost as funny as Cartoons.

I was the only one there. It pays to go early. Still wait I did. 40 minutes into some Fox guy "proving" the moon is made of cheese. I see my code blink on the board.

This is when I realized I didn't know why I was there. No cards or ID. This gets you sent to another hall where you wait some more. 
However instead of being drop kicked by security. 
There was loud music. 

Sort of like "Tubular Bells" from the 70's.

Santa the Tooth Fairy my Guardian Angel,...the worthless jerk, and my Grandma shoves me into a sedan chair. I'm processioned to the elevator to the tune of "Penny Lane".

Like the Tardis it was much bigger on the inside.
...a local. 

Folks in costumes of different centuries was coming on, and off. They talked shop with my pallbearers or had faces buried in their devices.
Me I was just along for the ride.

We got off on 485th floor. I was dumped sideways off the chair into an office,...smaller on the inside.

Gawd or one of them was sitting at Her desk piled high with parchments floppy disks, and Edison Cylinders. She was smoking a pipe. She puffed away on "Holiday" tobacco,...like my dad. 
She nodded to an old folding chair, and I sat.

Fox was yacking away on the wall screen. 
This time some Nazi in a bowtie was saying how they want to exterminate everybody,...but in a nice way. 
Lately these guys are trying to appear reasonable. 
Anyway he was going on about how the lower orders could all be killed with Neutron Bombs when Gawd turned the screen off.

Sort of like that scene in "1984" where that Inner Party enforcer had the juice to turn off the tele-viewer,...much to Smith's amazement.

Sez Gawd.

"First off ya dead pal. 
Dead as a bag of hammers in Hiroshima. 
No I dunno how. Those details get lost up here, but ya a goner."

No there's no Heaven or Hell,...eh ya not going to cry or some shit? Religion makes people do that. No? ...good.

Well there's an orientation to bring you up to speed. Eternity dark matter the non-temporal realms all that crap.
Ya gots a lot of unlearning to do before you can get along out here. Religion, and science has fucked you guys up bad.

However that old time Diggers Beatnik Hippie stuff was close to the mark. Your file sez you was into some of that. 
Let's see,...you was on da radio talking love, and stuff. Ya printed little broadsides about it too. Not bad. 

You're full of shit about everything else though. 
So I'm sending you up for remedial ironic humor, and maybe reprograming about the properties of the Multiverse. 
You guys got that one wrong big time!
Galileo took it well.  
Niels Bohr, and his crowd of smarty pants was really pissed though. 

...fuck'em.

There was a gong like at the fights. Me, and the folding chair dropped through a trap door, and I was in Heaven. Well not that, but the name will do. 

A vacant lot in Cincinnati 1946.

Like some stories say they start you out with stuff you're used to. So for me working class mayhem segregation evil cops, and keys to a tenement. The upside,...this not being hell the digs was real cute. Like from Architects Digest.

There was some sort of 3-D Google, and all the greasy food I every wanted. Being dead there's no craping or farting, and ya can eat like the frigging Sun King. I used the complimentary iPhone to order a 1932 hand made sky-blue Bugatti.

It appeared in my living room. I called back, and told them to quit fucking around. I heard a room full of kids laffing. They sent it down to the street.

I decided to start a journal blog thing,...Chapter One.

"I'm fucking dead, but the food's great."

*To be continued.