"...wings"

 

Doctor Who tells us: “Stories are where memories go when they’re forgotten.” So every story ever told is true.

My life once so full of responsibilities dramas. Such has become so simple. Quiet even. Days go by the earth abides. Had apple slices nuts and answered email. Made a shopping list...plan to go to the library. Cleaned the kitchen floor adjusted the radiator which Santa has yet to emerge from.  Sleep asymmetrical yet life a wonder.

My windows shudder with rain. Still no frost or snow on my sills. I want to fall asleep watching the snow then wake up to it as it makes trees and powerlines dance.  Social Services came by the other day to see if I was still alive...they do this. I enjoy the visits. They always comment on my digs. If you can’t be chic, be tidy.  One said she could walk blind folded through my rooms and bump into nothing. If she stayed clear of the bedroom maybe. They left I took a nap, and all was well in my world. Other than communing with spirits and memories. That's all I do now. Rinse...repeat. Upside I still live. Though now I am very aware. Aware of the unseen wings that daily brush me.

"...2023"

 

'Unstuck in time' as Kurt Vonnegut put it. We can experience events out of sequence. Tonight, was my Christmas Night. My Yuletide. Read notes from my parent's aunts. My father a baker. Read his recipe for pecan pie. Letters from my brother when he was in the war. Tech notes from my broadcast life Letters from listeners. Listened to music I loved viewed old photos. A life. We have them. I had a life. 

Thinking of the recent New Year's brunch at my sister's place. A moment. I had trouble standing. My nephew Keith and my grand- niece held me. Family. That moment was family. Listening now to Vaughan Williams 'On Christmas Night'.  Played it on-air in the day. It's 2023...imagine. Now if it would snow...just a little. Bless you all

 

"...News from the Front"

 

This war tragic as it is and ongoing. Has shown that Russia is not our military peer as we thought. That is a NATO vs Russia conventional conflict would not be the brutal stalemate we projected. If we intervened directly in Ukraine. Russia would be beaten back to their start-line in 72 hours. So the Naval Proceedings say. NATO 'without' U.S. support could beat back a non-nuclear Russian attack. 

They 'do' have 6th generation planes and armor but only handfuls. Putin now knows without nukes he can't defend his borders. Perhaps explains his madness. We are giving Ukraine our 1980's warehouse surplus and only a relative trickle. Yet with just that they held off Russia. Say again. Ukraine with national courage and surplus western arms has and is holding off all of Russia. It's far more complicated but these are the basics. 

Russia this war has shown is a 2nd world/third class military power. China has moved up to number two militarily and on its way to being a first world power economically. It just planted its flag on the Moon and landed a rover on Mars. We're peers...for now. Such is history. "The Great Game"...Google it, continues. This is our only world. We have to find a better way to share it

"...stripes"

 

Of passing time and the habits of elders. A memory from my youth. As a lad I never understood the habit of some elders in clinging to a youthful appearance. Creams pigments wigs and such. As a lad and though my life I took my body changes as they came. Like Walt Whitman did. He was no saint. As is the custom now for historic figures dirt both real and contrived has been posted about him. Bleep it I still loves him. As I loved my elders no matter what they looked like. I’m to be 73 soon and rather happy for it. I earned every crease. These are my stripes and I proudly wear them. I didn't see the point then or now as an elder myself of hiding my age. Dentures however are another and far more practical matter. ...eh no despite the hat I was ‘not’ in the Civil War

"...hearts"

 

A long-time dear friend just had heart surgery.

Touch and go. We’re all blessed he made it home.

Now recovery. Our lives all of us our lives are such gifts.

"...CQ..."

 

Robby scans as I did.

34 years at the transmitter looking for answers.

Results inconclusive.

Research continues. ...CQ...CQ...CQ.......

 

"...Dark"

Pink Floyd issued a 50th anniversary book and poster of their album "Darkside of the Moon”. See the original cover and the 50th image. Folks went nuts ballistic seeing the rainbow logo and thinking it was pro-Queer. Fox melted down churches want them banned...after 50 years. Within some demographics Jew hate Race hate suppression of Women Queer hate was always there It just became bad manners for a short while.

"...imagine"

Days go by. Sleeping most of the time.

The meds seem to be working.

Rain chilly. As in Narnia "...always winter never Christmas".

Yet hopeful peaceful.

 

"...ka-boom!"

 

This is China's Forbidden City seen from the Space Station.

Someone should make a computer chip exactly like this.

Plug it in and see what happens. Me I think a Star Gate will open up.

"...life and times"

 

A friend sent me a link to an outfit that gives the basics for starting an online small business. Thought it would pass da time for me...it would...and did. Brought back memories. In the pre-digital era, I started a few small even tiny businesses. Had no idea what I was doing which made it so much fun to do. It met my expectations which was to have fun. I had a main job as an engineer. These were experiments. Made a little money and plenty of friends. What could be better. If younger I'd do it again. I'd make more cute stuff like the above. Be easier as I could do it online.  ...make more friends that way too. Life in the future.  

"...Soul on Ice"

 

Photo by my friend Gary Introne. The Hudson off West Point. In 1982 the last time the Hudson froze near side to side in NYC. I walked on it about 50 feet towards 'Jersey. It started getting thin so wandered back to West 35th Street. In hindsight all this was probably a bad idea. I used to do this sort of thing.

A friend called the fossil fuel entities nazis. They at fault for planetary changes. Our erratic snowless winters here an example. Would it were that simple. They're not nazis. Such would require belief even in evil. It's worse. It's a soulless passionless system. Whose goal like cancer is to metastasize.

"Snow Job"

I was so upset about our lack of snow in Brooklyn.

I called da cops. Eh...they were not amused.

*

I feel better now.

 

"...Other now and forever"

Being Queer Trans Other ...and there are as many kinds of Otherness as there are Others.  As there are as many kinds of just folks as folks. Being other isn't, and never was just about innate affections. There's fluid behaviors in prisons, and isolated environments. Yet none of that is remotely Queer or Other. Being Queer being Other is to have a sense of life of being that is different. Different in temperament, and soul. We always were and will always be ‘not’ better but different. In my life experience I sometimes think this among the sacred virtues.

*From the editor...I calmed down a little.

 "The United States of America, 2023/24"

This is where we are certainly going. This is the only outcome of our visceral Tribal hatreds.

This will be our legacy. I don't see any way of avoiding a great fall. 

A great fratricidal blood-letting. 

Millions seem to actually 'want' this. 

The good as always will do little or nothing so it 'will' happen.

Something will replace us our system I have no idea what. 

However our short lived Empire is finished. 

Just a few details to attend to then over.

Still the 1950's, and part of the 60's were fun.

I lived it was there for it. I saw it with my own eyes. 

The Empire at it's height. Now the stuff of legend.

Tail-fins Doowop cheap gas color TV, and 10 cent comic books.

Our dads had jobs summer camp ice cream polio vaccines. 

For real space satellites. Beatniks integration.

Good King John was on our Throne.

It was a kind of Paradise.

A Paradise Lost.

*

 This bad day just keeps on giving.

"...gawd explained."

 

G-d has moved on. We didn't work out.

So the celestial Fuck Face is off somewhere trying again.

He's busy totally ass fucking some baby universe into hell.

As for us.

We got dumped in some box like a failed 5th grade science project.

Then kicked into a basement with the

other Trillion Zillion Killion Eternities he mutilated for fun.

He Date Raped Burned Gouged, 

and drowned us in the Blood of Infants.

He Tortured us with Dreams of Hope Joy, and Love.

Then Ripped out our Hearts Eyes Cunts, and Cocks.

This just to see what would happen.

He filled our Eternity with Fire, and Nightmares.

Then got bored and moved on.

The End.

*

From da editor.

Yeah, it's been a real bad day.

Check with me tomorrow.

Was out walking with a dear friend Christmas Eve.

She pointed out Mars. Yes, there it was!

Smaller than I thought.

Took a snap.

We are part of Eternity...just look up.

Midnight wander. 

Sharp winds clouds fly stars peek faint spray of snow.

Winter.

 

"...door"

~2020/2021/2022/2023~

We are Angels in a long-long-long Midnight. The human soul is complicated. We all of us can easily fall into resentments confusions. There are a million unlocked doors that lead out of hell. Choose one. Caution and Redemption.

"...Pandemic Journal"

 

This missive is from my Pandemic Journal. January 14th, 2021.

I saw on Ch.12 the Brooklyn News station long lines at Kings County the regional medical hub. This for testing, but no shots yet. Thanks to the former #45 the Vaccines waited in warehouses. Our new President Biden just released them. 

I'm sitting tight not going out even for shopping. That new strain is hell on wheels for kids, and elders. Kids much more endangered than by the last waves. If it's my time bleep it I'm ready. But if I can stay, I'm sticking around. Especially since some pals are planning serious Post Apocalypse parties. 

Coney Island Mermaid Parade may not happen...still too soon. 'But Winter ‘21 Solstice parades for sure! Such a journey such history we live. Bigger than 1968. I was a teen for that noise the perfect time be 17!

2020, & 2021 are evil twins. 

Never mind we can take it. I think the year will start rough. However, Summer/Fall Solstices 2021 will start a new era. A more hopeful more just one. We will have learned so much.1968~2020 serious book ends, and some of us were there for both. Bleep'em and the Four Horsepersons from Hell they rode in on! Stay safe laugh and eat lots of non-sugared ice cream! Live Long and Prosper.

"...I may already be a winner"

 

I went in for a checkup this morning. Turns out my kidneys are 54% functional. Below 60 is uncool. Gets better. I've won a 43% probability of a cardiac event. Given this they're working on me. I asked if this means no more cake. The interns thought it was funny. I'm in good company. I came home with a bleep load of meds I can't pronounce. Reams instructions and clinic appointments for the rest of my life. Could be worse. 'Might have prescribed a colonoscopy.

Damned near a hundred folks posted love on my FB page behind this. The upside my memorial service will be a full house. I’ll leave instructions that there be Bar-B Que piles of pastries and loud music. A party is a party.

Empress Wilhelmina the First.

The Imperial European Union

2078~CE

 

Chief Justice of the World Court.

2068~CE

 

President of the United States of America.

2072~CE

 

About the Prince Harry feeding frenzy.

If he had not lost his mother in that way.

Had to contend with an invasive hostile British press his whole life

and married differently. Would he be this hated?

 

From my friend in Ukraine Sergiienko Oleksandr.

Winter dreams.

 

“...Memories of porn”

 

Decades ago, my arts comrades and I wondered if there a way to do erotica that didn't hurt people.  I mean the template then as now comes from when it was mostly illegal. So the Mob produced it all. In other words, generations were given as a sensual model the Mafia's idea of sex. Which is akin to autopsy pictures. 

So I proposed my first take on porn. As a lad of 11 or so I'd see this stuff on newsstands. I thought the pictures were taken by the people in it. The women themselves took the pictures, and wrote the articles interspersed. At the time this seems a plausible explanation for the whole thing. Naked lady zines by ladies.

That this would be lesbian media and the implication there could be guy equivalents didn’t occur to me...yet. 

Anyway, ladies doing their own sex zines. Producing editing all that to counter what was going on. This in da 70′s...20 years ahead of its time. When we proposed this to one of the skin-rags they thought we was fucking nuts. 

They said, “fuck no!” and kicked us out. 

By this time it was the mid--1970's so I began to self-publish gay comic strips and deranged sweaty rants about freedom and being left da fuck alone to live our lives and stuff. Which was great fun.

"...80"

Me when I’m 80. The cat ...’Babs’ is my attorney and media consultant. I’m reading her book. “Watching Humans”. A surreal comedy. The history of the human species from the feline perspective. ...optioned by Netflix.

 

This sums up the day.

 “...Pepsi”

 

Thoughts on living in a culture with mass incarceration. There should be a body of law pardoning the survivors of executions. With restrictions for the violently disturbed. Perhaps commuting to life with emotional help. Such should be considered. Even da Pope suggested similar.

There's more botched state killings in the land of the free. Alabama had three in a row. Well, ...Alabama but still. As it is they just keep executing you till they get it right. There's that 'no cruel nor unusual punishment' thing in the Constitution complicating the fun.

In other life news. Had dizziness tonight ...heart flutter stuff. My first thought was '...a Pepsi might help". Had this checked out before ...got meds. With all that in mind getting myself to da clinic...have an appointment in the morning anyway. So convenient. I'll post to let ya know da score.

And another thing...thanks to supply chain collapse and post covid-inflation. Every time at market costs have inched up. I go to several different stores searching da lowest prices. Back before the 'end of the world' one shop was the same as all the others. Life in the future. I don’t recall George Jetson dealing with this. Otherwise stuff is swell

 "...train cave"

 

 

 

This here is my favorite fucking song. 

Played it all da time on da radio.

Manager told me to lay off.

Folks complained. 

That and the fucking P.C. book burning 

racist Stalinist clique at the station hated it. 

Which made me play it all the more.

Unfortunately when this came out 

I had stopped doing drugs.

If it was around in the early-mid 1980's.

This at the height of the station's speed and coke era. 

The whole after midnight on air crew 

would have played it non-fucking-stop!

Gone are da daze.