"From the Private Journals of Uncle Sydney"

A silly story. Once upon a time it was the 1970's. I was in college sort of. Was mostly being a hippie but studying math. By accident I got seriously stoned then went to class. A common behavior in them days. I was amazed to how much what we called 'Wacky Weed' quickened the mind. After that higher math was no problem. Some of us concocted assorted horticultural enhancements. The consumption of which led to interesting equations. 

Slip streaming hyper quantum waves as to make faster than light communications, and with some tweaking hyper-space faster than light travel possible. Seems certain intervals in special relativity can be used as six-dimensional portals through spacetime. 

 At least we thought so. 

Might have been Faries...which we found out are real and live in dark matter realities. But that's another story. Anyway, we could send stuff through them portals. Though not non-indigenous organic matter. We tried a cheeseburger...bad idea. It wasn't pretty. An astronaut traveling through that sharp blender would have a very bad day, or more likely eternity. 

The Dark Matter Universe is random. 

The laws of physics wildly variable. Neither an astronaut nor lunch meat would really like it there. However automated probes would be fine. ...mostly. 

Ours came back sentient. 

We sent an interstellar probe, eh early home video camera and cassette recorder in a Star Trek lunchbox. This to nearby star systems for a few moments. As I say it returned self-aware. We've kept all this to ourselves to this day. Well except for the lunch box. We lease it as 'Alexa" and her clones. She's probably in your computer right now. 

(From "The Secret History of the World". Volume 36 of Uncle Sydney's Private Journals.)