"Why Can't Life be like a Movie?"

"Why Can't Life be like a Movie?"

Maybe I should clarify.

Why can't I be in a 'happy' movie. Most of what ya gets these daze is either stupid or evil. Zombie, vampire mailmen that suck your brains out through ya eye sockets. That or surreal love stories about rich butt-holes that fuck a lot, and drive 1938 Bugatti's.

Nah, I wanna live in one of them hopeful Capra fantasies.

The kind where some good hearted yokels go through some contrived bleeped up whooie, but in the end all's well.

I want to be the crusading Teacher, Pastor, or Reporter. There's always one of these swell guys wear'n a cool hat in the script. Always fighting for the innocent!

Usually some old guy is losing his farm or a bunch of cute depression era kids are about to be dumped into an evil orphanage.

The farmer might go to the glue factory, and the kids could get flogged, and generally bleeped to hell'n back.

Somewhere in all this I gets to make this passionate speech, or sermon or editorial. This usually saves everybody in the end.

In the final scene gramps is gleefully dancing on his farm knee deep in pig shit, and the kids are back on the block stealing stuff, and breaking windows.

'All happy as junkies that stumbles onto 50 kilos of China White. (...uncut.)

The music swells, and the credits roll.

What could be better. That, and no one has to see the messy contradictions of the film's characters getting on with everyday life. Then the lights come up, and you go out into the dreary hell of your real life'.

This is why we love movies so much, and why I wants to live in one.

(...Okay yeah it's always only white people same as now, but we can re-write.)

The dream world that these flickering phantoms live in. 

Their universe, their eternity is insanely happy.

It is one that has never, 'ever' had a backed up toilet.

That or a dead body in face down in the sink.