"Arf!"

"Dog tests Positive for Meth, Heroin"

The dog whose street names is "Bubba" was turned over to Orange County Animal Care (OCAC) and transported to its facility. Police say they were contacted later that the dog may have been under the influence of drugs.

Police reported illegal drugs were found in "Bubba's hotel room along with used needles. CNN affiliate KCBS/KCAL reports that animal control officers noticed the dog was acting "lethargic."

Wright says Bubba's urine was tested and the results came back positive for meth and heroin.

"This strikes me as pretty horrible."

"This is not the first time we've heard of someone reporting that an animal has been under the influence," Wright told the affiliate.

Authorities do not know how Bubba obtained the drugs.

"Bubba" in an altered state was unable to tell the police details of the incident. However he did say he was concerned about the "...big orange glowing mice that kept throwing ping pong balls at him."

"In Further Canine News"

"Bippy" an Iraq War Vet, and unemployed computer programmer was arrested today on charges of threatening the life of an elected official.

"Bippy" was once famed for creating the "Agamemnon" anti-virus program, but then went rouge. Selling his talents to the likes of North Korea Pepsi the Buddhist Mafia, and even the Republican Party.

He was finally brought to justice for threatening the life of the Kansas City Commissioner of the Department of Motor Vehicles. It apparently stemmed from the impounding of his prototype death-ray flying car.

"Bippy" enraged as he was taken for his arraignment. Frothed at the mouth attempted to bite court officials, and incoherently screamed that he would have his "vengeance".

He went on to state that his project was part of a larger plan by the UFO Greys the NSA the Vatican, and the Reptilians to "enslave humanity, and restore the natural order."

"Bippy" was at the direction of authorities remanded to the Kansas City Dept. of Mental Health for observation.