"...for the record" ..Sylvia is my Sister.

I wrote this about month after being rescued from the streets by my family. This near 10 years ago. I was still adjusting to a "normal" life of eating sleeping in a bed having a door I could lock. Above one of many photos of sun rises, and sun sets I took during my year on the streets.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++...

All my experiences from the last year, and some are catching up with me.

Hey I'm good,...good.

I'm in my new home, but I still think It's someone else's. I'm still trying to get used to being a person again. Strange. So strange is what I'd call my current life.

It's like I'm living in two worlds at the same time.

Out there, and in here.

These last year has been filled with dangers, despairs, hopes, and surreal adventures. I think I'm, supposed to be dead. I'm sure of that.

Perhaps of exposure on one of those cold nights on the streets or I was killed in that mugging.

Maybe so.

What's happened since. My being rescued by Sister finding a new home. All these things are shadows.

The reality is I'm still in that alley on the ground bleeding. That or curled up in a doorway or in Liberty Park waiting for hypothermia.

What I've lived since being found 'is' a dream within the few seconds before my death after I was attacked.

I have a fear I'll wake up at the very last moment. It will be night, it will be cold. I will be in that alley. I take a ragged breath, and drift into eternity.

'But I won't.

I'm here now. In a home that is mine. I have a life again. 

Sylvia Lewis I remember you had difficulty adjusting to having a bed. You slept on the floor behind the door with your books! Do you recall that?

Sidney Smith Yes. Yes I slept in a sleeping bag behind the bed room door with some books set up like a wall. I listened for sounds noises. When outside you were never safe...so you listened especially when resting. One didn't go into a deep sleep...that was suicide...

Sylvia Lewis That's when I began to understand the homeless psyche especially if you been out there awhile. I finally understood the spiraling down you mentioned.

Sidney Smith Being wet, and cold. These were the worse parts...never getting dry. Looking back I'm horrified, and have no idea how I managed any of it. However being there in it I was too emotionally numb...too busy to have rational reactions.