"Sissy Meditation"

Sissy like Nigger is perhaps one of the most dangerous words in the American language. Both of these carry death with them. Both say you're less than nothing. Not a person. You're fair game for violence even murder.

Sissies are un-men.

When you're young father's uncles brother's your "friends" from the block are a gender police. They make sure the boundaries of manhood guy-hood are 'never' crossed. If a father or guardian sees that a boy in their care is not "right' they take action at once.

Usually with taunts humiliations beatings. 

"Do you want to be a woman!" They yell as they work young sissies over. To them womanhood is death beneath death. "I'll make a man of you if it kills you!"

Sound familiar?

Sometimes they do kill. Father's have killed sons for this gender crime. It's the American equivalent of Islamic Honor Killing". Even brothers are complicit in this.

I remember being told by a friend that his own brother looked the other way in the school yard while he was beaten by bullies who chanted faggot at him.

Always they say as they torture you, "...it's for your own good,...it'll toughen you up,...make a man of you."

This is the traditional rite of passage for Sissies.

I wonder what so frightens them. What is it about this way of seeing that so unnerves men.  I should say that a boy or man doesn't have to be Queer to be a Sissy. I've noted that like straights gay men despise sissies.

Sissies we know gleefully come in every orientation, and hat size. So it's not genital. It's better than that.

Sissy-dom Sissy-hood is a special mode of appreciating life everything all of it all around us. They have a certain sensitivity to the realities of this realm. 

"Sensitive"

I recall this was the word some of my family used for me. I actually liked it. Coming from my mother, and aunts I knew it was sincerely given,...sensitive.

So,...how did I know I was a Sissy?

Well as in so may sweet stories it was fall. I was in the third grade. The morning sky the October sky was so wondrous. I remember how the clouds curled. Their colors. How the glided across the horizon.

Like waves in a Hokusai paintings.

I was so taken up by the sky that I hadn't noticed that class had gone back in, and Sister Alice had to come back out to get me.

For me that was, and is Sissy-dom. Sissy-hood is the ability to be lost so lost in beauty, and gentleness that you forget everything else. That, and do it without trying. It's an involuntary trance. It just happens.

In most other boys, and men such "sensitivity" is beaten out of them. It's as gone as if it were surgically removed.

With Sissies it's different. It's who we are. Threaten us beat us all you want. We don't change. Blessedly we can't change. The sky will always be beautiful to us. That, and we will always say so. We will always be taken up by it, and lost in it.

I wonder how many sissies have been martyred for loving the sky for loving colors for loving kindness, and gentleness.